toxic masculinity by Haylie Bird+ MS WALLING I'M DONE BUT I CAN'T PRINT

Ela 30
Haylie bird
T. Walling
1/7/2020

Harmful masculinity and violence

Understanding the connection and approaches to prevention of toxic masculinity.

“By far the worst thing we do to males — by making them feel they have to be hard — is that we leave them with very fragile egos.”
— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, award-winning author

 this is something that I've been wondering about for a while now and probably something you wondered about too , why do men have to be MACHO MEN and WARRIORS? lets find out together.  

• the name "toxic masculinity"  comes from the set of behaviors that is most common in male dominated areas like the Canadian government or in Giliad. these traits include:

• Maintaining an appearance of hardness
• Violence as an indicator of power (think: “tough-guy” behavior)
• homophobia
• misogyny
• Domestic violence
• Suppressing emotions or masking distress
• A lot of these traits are in sports,cooking and even ballet is not safe from the horrible world of toxic masculinity. these attributes are harmful to men, woman, children and society overall and although this isn't to demonize men it's to help give us an understanding on what is toxic masculinity really is. Boys learn to be men from the men in their lives, from their own experiences navigating our social norms, and from the large social and cultural context. Boys live under intensified pressure to display gender-appropriate behaviors according to the ideal "male code" or " Bro code".
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Looking at the development of aggression throughout childhood, we know that not only do aggressive behaviors can happen at an early age, they also tend to keep going over time, without early prevention interventions.The possibility of negative effects of harmful masculinity occurs when negative masculine ideals are upheld. Primary gender role socialization aims to uphold patriarchal codes by requiring men to achieve dominant and aggressive behavior, we can't blame them for something they've been taught since a young age.
Toxic masculinity: Life as a man isn’t always easy either

Stories of the difficulties of being a modern woman are often told, but how much do you read about the downsides of being a man?

Firstly, not all masculinity (and not all men) is toxic – there are elements of what it means to be a man that are not harmful to anyone. The Gillette advert, for example, shows men being strong, supportive friends, brothers and dad’s at the end of the advertisement. You can still be masculine without being toxic. Toxic masculinity is the idea that society expects men to embrace behaviours and traits that make them seen more masculine but this is harmful to women, as well as men themselves.

It evolves around the idea that men are ‘strong’, ‘dominant’ and ‘powerful’ over women and they are expected to violent, sexually aggressive and unemotional

"The term ‘toxic masculinity’ has become an easy way to label typically harmful behaviours and attitudes, such as men’s violence against women and other men, misogyny, homophobia, and self-harm/suicide,’ said Dr Mark McGlashan, Lecturer in Linguistics at Birmingham City University’s School of English.

This kind of masculinity is obviously harmful to women as it encourages the idea that abuse or violence are acceptable and that simply, men are above women.

But it is something that causes problems for men too. Earlier this month, the American Psychological Association issued guidelines to help psychologists address the issues of men and boys, for the first time in its 127-year history. The report explains: ‘Although boys and men, as a group, tend to hold privilege and power based on gender, they also demonstrate disproportionate rates of receiving harsh discipline (e.g., suspension and expulsion), academic challenges, mental health issues, physical health problems, public health concerns, and a wide variety of other quality-of-life issues.

So because society has these ideas of what a man should be, it’s difficult for men to break free from what is expected of them and get help.

Recovering From Toxic Masculinity

Revering aggression, suppressing emotions, and other ways “boys will be boys” is something you can choose to release from your life

At a time when we’re reeling from and embracing the seismic shifts of the #MeToo moment, many people of all genders are asking: How do we stop the prevalence of toxic masculinity and collectively heal? Viewing this social change as a recovery process, much like the one you experience as a person in recovery from addiction, provides a path forward.

As a diversity and inclusion educator who works with individuals and organizations across all industries, I hold space for people’s reckoning with their role in collective patterns of exclusion and violence—including racism, self-hate, and toxic masculinity.

I also practice what I preach and teach: Like any other person in the world, I am in an ongoing process of releasing myself from old biased ways of thinking and acting. And as a gay trans man who has experienced both the violence and the privilege of the patriarchy, I have a particularly in-depth understanding of toxic masculinity and how to cultivate its alternative: Conscious masculinity.

So, you’re ready to heal from toxic masculinity. Where do you start?

Healing Together

First, no matter what your gender is or has been, you have a part to play in our collective recovery from toxic masculinity. The obvious targets for this conversation are men and predominantly masculine people who likely need to decondition harmful behavior within themselves.

However, women and predominantly feminine people have their own recovery processes as well. No matter your gender, you likely have patriarchal premises still running on autopilot within your mind, that can show up in how you relate to everyone from partners to children to strangers. And no matter who you are, the patriarchy has harmed you, and you deserve to heal those wounds.

keep that in mind. ok?

Second, remember that all recovery is a lifelong process, whether you are recovering from drugs, alcohol, codependency—or toxic masculinity. In fact, beyond these specific issues, every human life is truly one long recovery process. Born into a world that conditions fear and separation, we emerge as adults who are disconnected from our power, from our goodness, from each other. Once we recognize that there is a truer way of being, beneath what we were taught, every day is a chance to restore a bit more of our perspective from fear to love. Every moment is a chance to remember the truth of who we are: Whole, sacred beings who inherently deserve love and care.

The patriarchy benefits from our unconsciousness. It thrives on it. It requires our confusion, our amnesia, and our fear. Numbing out with drugs and alcohol facilitates the patriarchy’s continual erasure of memory, suppression of truth, and overall dis-empowerment. The more present we become, the more we are able to reclaim our humanity, take ourselves off of autopilot, and co-create a world where we all thrive.

3 Ways to Recover From Toxic Masculinity

1. Get present.

Early sobriety is often full of huge perception shifts. We realize, with sometimes nauseating clarity, how we have been acting out of alignment with our higher selves. We see how we have accepted fear-based ideas as true, and how that has led us to devalue ourselves and others. We see how all our actions were conditioned survival instincts. We love ourselves through the process of choosing another way of living. We reclaim our power and we step into lives of greater love and service.

The first step is presence. With toxic masculinity and any other oppressive pattern, the personal and collective recovery processes are intimately linked. And, as we commit to releasing behaviors that harm ourselves and others, sobriety is a powerful tool.

2. Approach masculinity and femininity with a “beginner’s mind”

In order to reclaim our true power and heal our world, we must shed the Western colonial programming about masculinity and femininity. Experiment with observing masculinity and femininity as not inherently defined or prescribed by certain genders.

Imagine you are visitor from another planet, observing this world for the first time. Noticing how the whole world seems to have a balance between give and take, action and reception, logic and intuition. Try to see them without these gendered expectations, and without feeling that there is a correct or more desirable way to embody the qualities.

3. Check your toxic beliefs about masculinity and choose new stories

Fill in the blank: “masculinity is ____, “masculine people are _____,” “real men _______,” etc. Don’t pick up your pen until the timer rings (yes, actually write this out!) and don’t judge what emerges. Notice what your autopilot beliefs are about who is masculine, what real men are, and what happens when some people are too masculine and others are not masculine enough.

Next, identify which of these beliefs are rooted in love, and which are rooted in fear. For the fear-based thoughts, identify times in your life where you have acted on these ideas. For example, chastising a child about not acting ladylike, or assuming the only man in the room was the boss. What are your most acute memories of embodying these old stories? This may bring up shame, anxiety, anger, and more, but better out than in! You may note times you have acted from a place of wounded masculinity: trying to control the people you loved, suppressing your emotions for fear of ridicule, or burning out at work instead of asking for help. You may also note how these beliefs prevented your connection with people in your life, or your own authentic self expression.

thank you for reading and remember

Share your gratitude's. Listening to your heart and what it is grateful for takes you off of toxic masculinity autopilot and back into connection with your higher self. It’s a shortcut to this sometimes nebulous “from fear to love” perspective shift we hear so much about. My favorite way to do gratitude is on a daily text thread with a few like-minded friends.